In Search of the Gift!
by Tobi'sgoodgirllovesSasuSaku
Summary: Oneshot for Sakura's birthday. Sasuke forgot about Sakura's birthday, and now must go on a wild hunt to find her a gift. But, like any mall outing, there will be crack, fangirls, and mall security! Or is that when an otaku is leading you? SasuSaku crack.


**A/N: GG here, with yet another oneshot. This one is a birthday fic for Sakura! So yeah, there will be tons of crack and whatnot. You know, what I usually have. Disclaimer time!**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto. I only own whatever crack ideas happen to pop up into my brain. So yeah, fear it.**

* * *

A young man was rummaging through a fridge, looking for something to eat. He sighed, closing the door and exiting the kitchen.

"_She keeps us here against our will, and doesn't even stock up on tomatoes. Bitch."_ He thought, walking back to his room. As he passed a door, it suddenly opened, and out came two hands. The hands grabbed him by the collar of his shirt, and yanked him back into the room. He jerked inside, landing flat on his butt. He scowled up at the two figures standing in front of him, one blond, and the other brown haired.

"What do you two idiots want?" He asked them.

"Oi! Who the hell are you calling an idiot teme?!"

"I believe I'm calling you an idiot dobe."

"What?! Why I outta-"

"Shut it both of you!" shouted the brown haired girl. The blond looked at her apologetically.

"Sorry GG."

"It's alright Naruto, no harm done. Though there _will_ be harm done if we don't get him to realize his stupidity."

"What're you talking about?" he asked them. They looked down at him, incredulous looks on their faces.

"Oh wow, he doesn't even know what're we're talking about."

GG knelt in front of him and stared straight in his face. "Let me ask you something Sasuke. What's today?"

He looked back at her like she was some kind of moron. "It's Saturday."

"And what else?"

He continued to stare at her. "What do you mean 'and what else?' There is nothing else."

She sighed and, grabbing his hair, brought his face to the laptop screen. "Read what it says idiot."

Sasuke growled at her, but read what it said on the screen. It was her profile page for FFN, a website which was most foul in his opinion. At the top of page, in bold black letters, were the words "HappyBirthday Sakura!!" His eyes widened considerably as it clicked.

"Oh crap."

"YOU FORGOT HER BIRTHDAY YOU MORON!!"

* * *

"Why are we here again?" asked a very bruised and beaten looking Sasuke. In front of him walked a very pissed off GG, hands in her pockets.

"We're here because you still need to buy Sakura a gift idiot." She huffed, not turning around to look at him. They were walking through a mall, trying to find a gift for Sakura's birthday.

"And you're here why?"

"Because Naruto's setting it all up and because we don't need him helping you look for a gift. In fact, I had to help him look for a gift too, so you're going through the exact same thing as him. So be grateful ya bastard."

"Hn."

She turned around to face him, causing him to stop before running into her. "Alright Duck Butt, we're here, so what do you think Sakura would like?"

"How would I know?"

GG sighed, facepalming in the process. She squeezed the bridge of her nose, lost in thought. "Idiot, how are you supposed to produce pink haired Uchihas if you can't even buy her a freaking birthday present?!"

"What makes you think I'd do that?!"

"Maybe it's the mounds of SasuSaku hentai under your bed! Or the fact that you have a Sakura plushie under your pillow…."

Sasuke stared at her, horrified by what she just said. "W-What makes you think that?" he asked her, wondering how the hell she found out about the plushie. Sure, the hentai was a little obvious, but he _was _a growing boy. Or so they say, considering the fact that he's been 15 for how long now?

Apparently though, GG failed to hear him, for her mind had come up with the best idea since white chocolate. "I've got it! Get her a Sasuke plushie!"

"Doesn't she already have one though?" He asked her. Considering the fact that she used to be his fangirl, it would seem like she'd already have one in her possession.

"Surprisingly, she doesn't have one. Out of all the fangirls in Konoha, she was the only one to not have one," GG explained. "Hey, isn't it funny how the fangirl doesn't have one, yet the ice cube she's fangirling over has one of her?"

"Shut up," Sasuke said, walking ahead of her.

"Oi! Anime store is that way Chicken Ass!" GG said, pointing in the opposite direction. He sighed, turning around and walking in the direction that she pointed in.

* * *

The two entered a store, music blaring in their eardrums the moment they opened the door. Sasuke grimaced at it, whereas GG began to freak out.

"Yay! It's Sakura Kiss from Ouran High School Host Club," She shouted, jumping up and down excitedly. She then began to sing along with the song, much to Sasuke's displeasure.

**KISS KISS FALL IN LOVE!**

"GG stop."

**MAYBE YOU'RE MY LOVE!!**

"I mean it."

**Kizukeba itsudemo soba ni iru keredo**

"Stop damn it!" He lightly slapped the back of her head. When he did this however, she immediately grabbed one of the cosplay weapons from a nearby shelf and whacked him over the head with it.

"Damn it I'm in my happy mode! Leave me be!"

"Ow!" He clutched the spot where she had whacked him, rubbing it slightly. He looked at the weapon that she used and saw that it was the axe that Rena Ryuugu from Higurashi no Naku Koro ni used. _"If that does not prove she is a psychopath, then I don't know what does."_ He thought to himself. GG placed the axe back onto the shelf, and immediately drew her attention to the plushie section.

"Alright, so we need to find her the cutest plushie that is you out of all th-OH MY GOD TOBI PLUSHIE!!" she screamed, and ran towards the one that she saw. She immediately glomped the poor plushie, beginning to fangirl over it. And all Sasuke could do was watch in horror. She turned on him, giving him the saddest puppy eyes she could. "Can we get this one instead? Please?!"

"What happened to getting a plushie for Sakura?"

"Screw that! I've found one of Tobi, the best damn Akatsuki member in the whole group! I say we forget about her and just buy this one instead!" She continued to snuggle it, causing Sasuke to really question her sanity. _"Change of heart in under….two seconds. New record."_ He thought to himself. He sighed as he saw that she wasn't planning on letting go anytime soon.

"Come on GG, we need to buy Sakura a gift."

"What did I just say Chicken Ass?! I'm not buying her a Sasuke plushie! So use your own damn money, ya rich bastard."

"Just because Sakura Kiss is playing doesn't mean you can say what Haruhi says."

"I don't care! Now if you don't mind Sasuke, I'm _trying _to see if I have enough cash for this." She said, digging through her pockets. The moment she said his name, however, all hell broke loose.

"Oh my God, it is him!"

"I should've known from the way his hair stands up!"

"Sasuke-kun, marry me!"

"Oh crap…" They both said together. Slowly, they turned to face the mass mob of fangirls that had heard GG say Sasuke.

"Why do I let the fangirls in?" asked the cash register worker as he got down behind the counter.

"What'd we do now," Sasuke whispered to her.

"We do the only sensible thing in a situation like this."

"Which is?"

"Scream and run like hell!" she said, and bolted for the exit, leaving Sasuke behind to face his fangirls.

"Damn it don't leave me!" He shouted back at her, following her in her mad dash. "And you better not have forgotten the damn plushie!"

"Don't worry, I didn't!" She said, immediately grabbing one off the shelf. Together, they ran out the door, followed quickly by a mad horde of fangirls all wanting to bear the next generation of Uchiha. The store was fairly large, so the two had a while before getting to the door. GG, who was leading the escape, suddenly stopped running to stare at something. Sasuke immediately skidded to a stop, causing him to crash into a display case of Itachi plushies.

"_This….is my worst nightmare…."_Sasuke thought, grabbing a plushie off his head and dusting himself off. He glanced over at where GG was, and saw that she was staring at something and acting hyper as hell. "Why the hell did you stop," He shouted at her.

"There's pocky!" She shouted back, not once taking her eyes off the delicious Japanese crack.

"So?!"

"So?! It's pocky for God's sake! The god of all sweet things! Oh my God they have white chocolate pocky!" She shouted, and went to go grab the delicious goodness. Sasuke, being the impatient person he is, grabbed her by the back of her shirt and proceeded to run straight for the door, causing GG to become unhappy.

"NOOOOOOO!! MY PRECIOUS!! NO!!"

"Damn it it's just pocky! Buy some when we're not being chased by vicious fangirls!"

"But I could've handled them!"

"How?!"

"With this!" GG said, and proceeded to pull out the cosplay weapon that she had conveniently gotten out of the store. Sasuke stared at it, wondering where the hell she hid it.

"The hell? You stole it?!"

"It's not stealing until you get caught."

"Hey," Shouted a mall security guard, "Did you steal that?!"

"Okay…..Now it's stealing."

"There he is!!" shouted a fangirl. A whole mob then began to come after them, along with mall security. The two just ran even faster, not wanting to be caught by either party. Of course, Sasuke always has something to say in moments like these.

"You're a terrible otaku!"

"I know you are but what am I?!"

"….AN IDIOT!!"

"And then he wonders why people don't like him…" GG muttered under her breath, as the two continued escaping from the hell they unleashed.

* * *

"Here ya go Sakura-chan!" Naruto said, presenting a wrapped up gift to her. Sakura smiled at him as she accepted it.

"Thanks Naruto!" she said, and proceeded to unwrap it.

"Well, what'd ya think?"

"I love it Naruto!" Sakura said, looking at what he had gotten her. It was a picture of the new Team seven, with Kakashi, Sai, and Yamato with them. It was in a redwood frame in the shape of a circle, which fit the whole picture in perfectly.

"No problem Sakura-chan!" Naruto said, rubbing the back of his head. _"Ha, GG was right when she said she'd love this over that lifetime supply of ramen! Speaking of which, I want some…"_

"Hey Naruto, do you know where GG and Sasuke-kun are? I haven't seen them all day." Sakura asked, looking around the room. It had almost been three hours since they had left to find her a gift, and she hadn't been home all day, so naturally she would be worried.

"Don't worry, I'm sure they'l-" he began to say, but was interrupted by the door opening and a voice shouting.

"BACK!! BACK YOU FOUL BEASTS!! BACK TO THE HELLHOLE YOU CALL HOME!! BACK I SAY!! BACK!!"

The two gave each other quizzical looks, before finally deciding on looking at what the disturbance was. They walked to the door and saw that Sasuke was pressed to the wall, panting heavily while his clothes were terribly ripped. GG, on the other hand, was fighting off the hands of many fangirls who were trying to grab and grope at the poor Uchiha with what seemed to be a giant axe, all the while screaming at them. The mall cops, unknowing to them, had suffered a fate of being trampled and beaten by the fangirls, who thought they were standing in the way of their Sasuke. Sakura immediately ran over to Sasuke, seeing as how he might need medical attention. After all, it was his _fangirls._ They were bound to get a little rough with the boy.

"Sasuke-k-" She was immediately cut off as he thrust something into her face.

"Happy Birthday….now take the damn thing…" He panted out, sliding down to the floor. She gently took it out of his hands and looked at it. Her face immediately broke out into a huge smile.

"Aw, you got me a Tobi plushie!" she said, hugging the thing tightly. Sasuke's head snapped up at the name Tobi.

"Eh?" he said, until he finally put two and two together. "Damn it GG, you grabbed the wrong one!"

"Hey, you said grab a plushie, and I had Tobi on the brain! So add it up, and you have me nabbing the nearest Tobi plushie!" She shouted, finally being able to close the door since the fangirls had finally retreated. Sasuke was about ready to kill her until Sakura placed a hand on his shoulder.

"Sasuke-kun, I don't care what kind of plushie you got me. Honestly, I thought you'd forget about my birthday and not even get me anything." At this Naruto and GG snickered while Sasuke tried to send them both death glares while staying in one spot.

"Hn," he grunted, still pissed because of GG grabbing the wrong thing. _"And after we got mauled by fangirls too!"_ he thought. Suddenly, GG remembered her own gift in her room.

"Sakura, I almost forgot! Let me grab the gift I got for you!" GG said, and raced out of the room towards her room. In a matter of minutes, she had come back, a book in hand. "Happy Birthday Sakura!" she said, handing the book over to her. Sakura took the book and read the cover.

"'A Thousand and One Ways to Kick a Duck Butt's Ass'" she read out loud. Naruto burst out laughing while Sasuke sat there and began to twitch. _"Of course she'd give her that…" _He thought. GG smiled innocently as Sakura looked up at her.

"So, do you like it?" GG asked her hopefully. She had placed all her torture techniques into that book, along with a few that had yet to be revealed to the world. And some were even illegal in all fifty states, including the territories.

"I think I'll save it for some later manga chapters" Sakura said, slipping the book into her pouch. Sasuke's head shot up, fear coursing through him. _"She wouldn't….would she? Damn it I'm screwed!"_ he thought frantically, knowing full well that she would. GG's smile became even wider.

"And on that note, I say we cut the cake!" GG shouted out. Naruto began to jump up and down happily, excited by the prospect of cake. "Come on everyone!" GG said, walking off towards the kitchen. Naruto followed after her, saying something about how he loved cake, especially with ramen.

"Well, are you coming Sasuke-kun?" Sakura asked, beginning to head towards the kitchen. Sasuke got up from where he was sitting and began to walk towards the kitchen. Before they entered though, Sakura said something that made him feel slightly better.

"And don't worry; I'll only use the least lethal ones that she has in here."

**

* * *

**

A/N: So, um, I hope you enjoyed? Really now, I don't know WHERE I come up with this stuff, but I just do. Review, and you'll receive a copy of the book mentioned in this oneshot!

**Sasuke: So no one review, got that?**

**Me: I said they'd get it. Never said they had to use any of the moves in there. Although, knowing the people that review, you're probably screwed.**

**Sasuke: Crap…**

**Me: So review and receive A Thousand and One Ways to Kick a Duck Butt's Ass! Until next time, JAA MATA!!**


End file.
